Shadow Girl
by j.charles @ textproductions
Shadow and I had been dating for about eight months. Our relationship was far from over, but at this point she had proven she was my angel and been in my life longer than any woman to ever follow her. We grew up so quickly, and I learned so much from her. Mostly at her expense though. I hadn’t learned to be the best boyfriend in the world yet, but I tried as hard as I knew how, and I did it all for her. She knew that and loved me passionately for it. I knew the things she asked of me were for me as much as they were for her, and I still love her for that.
Shadow had just gotten out of a year long relationship when I met her, and we started dating soon after that. I knew all along that she was a virgin; we had talked about it that night in the caprice. She said that it just never felt right with her last boyfriend. Yeah they spent the night next to each other, and that was amazing, but she always felt like he was only there for sex when he came over and “fell asleep watching movies.”
She never promised j.charles that it would be different. She just cared for him much more. He did so much for her. She took me to dinner for my birthday; I returned the favor with flowers. I would show up after school with roses, to pick her up with lilies, and bring her home with whatever she picked out. It’s hard not to give a girl like that so much attention.
Even though I had a job, money was still an issue. I always made room in my check for Shadow, but she never asked much more than my company. “Anywhere is fine, with you.” so we spent a lot of time in parks, on walks or drives, or just with friends. But always together.
I even started accidentally “falling asleep watching a movie” in her living room. Her mother would come out on a Saturday morning and say “Shadow, get off him before your father comes out here.” We were only kissing of course, but you know how daddies are. Besides, her parents saw what I did and felt for their only princess, and decided that she was just fine with me. I could do no wrong. And I didn’t.
Until that is, we started having sex. It was summer and we were nonstop together. No one was in the state, let alone home and I had the door to my room locked, so I asked if today was the day. She whispered confidently and passionately into my right ear “yes.” Yes. Today was the day that I got to make my baby feel good from the inside out, to do what it was I thought I was supposed to do to show a girl how much I cared for her.
It took me a couple of minutes to actually stop kissing her neck, look directly at her and make absolutely sure she was comfortable with me.
“Yes, baby boy. I want my first time to be with you, and I want it to be now.” I wasted no time whatsoever. Pants, underwear and shoes became decorations on my floor; the temperature began to rise beneath our bedspread. She watched my face the entire time and I only saw her. Her dark hair spread all over my pillow. Her thin, fair skinned body naked beneath mine. When we were finished I told her how much I loved her, how much I had always loved her. “I love you, j.charles. And I hope that you never stop loving me. I hope I never stop being attractive to you.”
“You never could. You’re my Shadowgirl, and you make my life better.”
That night I spent with Shadow next to me, we held hands all night until we fell asleep. She slept softly, with delicate and deliberate breaths. I fell asleep shortly after. In the years gone by I seem to remember less and less of the content the dream I had that night, but I remember most of it; Shadow was sitting on the edge of my bed wrapped up in my blanket, wearing nothing but her ankle socks. Her hair was in disarray and her cheeks were flush. I had gone downstairs to get some water for us and she was alone, crying. She wondered to herself why she was crying. The best thing in her life had happened with the best person. “So why the tears, Shadow?” she said. A few brief seconds passed and Shadow could hear footsteps coming up the stairs. She wiped the tears from her eyes and stood up out of the bedspread to wait for her boyfriend. She looked down and rubbed her belly while the footsteps got closer and closer, the floorboard creaked and the doorknob turned. She knew.
J.charles and Shadow both awoke at the same time. Looking at each other it was apparent that they had just been in the same dream. Shadow’s pillow was already wet. She had been crying in her sleep, and she started to cry again. I didn’t know what to do to help her, so I just did what I felt was right. I placed one hand under her chin and kissed her softly while we held hands and rubbed her belly. Together.
A few months went by without me asking about it or our baby. She didn’t say anything about it either, which scared me more. We still gave of ourselves during this time, and we still saw so much of each other, but it started to get awkward right before I had my next dream with her in it. The dream was disrupted by her phone call.